It Wasn’t the First Song I Searched

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His Wonderful Face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of his Glory and Grace.

Despite myself, I was anxiously scrolling through different ones. 

I don’t even remember what I tried to play.
Just minutes later, Matt and I would have our sweet Golden Retriever put to sleep.
Our first born. Our furry son named, ‘Kona.’
Kona Hawaii Penner.
Yes, we named him after the place we spent on our honeymoon! Our own little island and paradise.

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
Look full in His Wonderful Face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim…

“Are you ready?” She asked me. “Yes,” I continue to search for comforting music.
Both my husband and the vet see that I am quietly restless and that of course, I am not ready.

Are We Ever Ready?

God was already at work. God made a way when there seemed to be no way.
You see, He was preparing us for the final test of being Kona’s “non-furry” parents.
The one in which you love your dog that has been with you since he was eight-weeks-old.

The one pup that chose us by coming back to us and playing on our laps.
The one that we would later learn had come from a “bad litter” and would need many surgeries for his elbow and hip dysplasias.
The one in which God provided both financially and emotionally throughout Kona’s life.

He was a miracle from the start! He lived a long, happy life, unlike some of his siblings which we learned about over the years.

As I’m typing this, I feel myself anxiously avoiding the truth as I did in that room.

The same feeling that pulsed through my body when I signed the document stating where his ashes would go.

You know, the one that smacks your mind into full-blown reality.

Matt and I agreed to have Kona’s ashes scattered at sea by a loving family who works with the vet for a time such as this.

I am filled with God’s Supernatural Peace and TRUST in our precious Lord and Savior… our Heavenly Father.
When I say, “It’s All Him,” sweet friends, …Y’all (for my southern sisters out there) “It Is All Him!!!”
How else could you explain that Kona was adopted by us? That the same vet that cared for our “puppy” our “Chiquitin” all these years would be the same ones to care for us?

You see, what you don’t know is that just a week before,  Matt took him to the vet for a screening to be boarded.
We were boarding him for the weekend where I would be at a pivotal place in my life, marriage and unveiling career.
When Matt got home from that appointment, God started to plant the seed that Kona was indeed sick.

But God.  The x-rays showed something pushing up against his intestines.
But God. We would need to do invasive treatment if we wanted to find out the true diagnosis.

But God.
Friends, when God wants you to do something, there is no stopping Him. The lab results came back fine, and he was approved to be boarded.
I was a bit concerned but knew that Kona could not be in better hands if something happened while we were not only out of town but out of the state.
Kona needed to be at the vet. We needed to be at a business conference in Arizona.

There was a part of me that knew.  I cried while packing before Matt got home from work and while the kids were with my mom.

While the house was quiet, I kneeled next to Kona fighting the tears and wrapped my arms around him. 

The same way I had for almost 13 years. 

I can still feel the warmth of his fluffy fur against the dampness of my cheek.

I didn’t know if I would see him again, but I also knew that I had to trust God’s will and timing in all of this.

It hurts to write about those last moments. Those moments that are so bittersweet when your sweet dog is going to meet his maker but doesn’t even know. Or maybe he does.

The Supernatural Peace and LOVE that filled that room when I surrendered to God’s Will was unmistakable.

His good, perfect and pleasing will.

Are you ready now?

I see my husband’s caring eyes and realize that I am ready to turn my eyes upon Jesus.

As much as it hurt to let him go, I knew that Jesus was in the room comforting all of us.

So there in the middle of the small square room, was a blanket, Matt holding Kona still on his lap, the vet on her knees and me kneeling and holding Matt’s hand on top of Kona.

And as Kona went from being his excited self to deep sleep, Jesus comforted us through the music playing, the tears shed and the hugs we all gave each other.

“Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Look full in His Wonderful Face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His Glory and Grace.”

I’m sorry I couldn’t hand you a tissue before reading this!

Be comforted in knowing that God catches every last single tear.

This much I know.

I found a great resource by Sarah Landrum to comfort you or a friend who has lost a beloved pet.

You can find it over on crosswalk.com by clicking here.

How about you? Have you gone through this? Did you sense God’s presence?

Let me know in the comments below, sweet friends.